Tool: Filling the Form
List three small changes you can make in each of the following areas:
- Your work space
- Your car (or mode of transportation)
- Your kitchen
- Your wardrobe
- Your living room
- Your bedroom
- Your exercise habits
- Your eating habits
- Your spiritual/intellectual maintenance
Tool: "Dear Boss"
This is a letter that wonât be sent, although many of its insights may later be acted upon. Taking pen in hand, describe the vision you feel your boss holds for himself and for the company or division for which you work.
Next, expand on this writing by detailing your vision of your bossâs role and potential expanded role you can play in fulfilling this vision. Ask yourself not "How can I succeed?" but rather, "How can I best serve?"
A deepened commitment to service frequently translates into heightened success.
Tool: The resentment Resume
If this tool seems familiar, it should. Like all our housecleaning tools, it is employed periodically for best results.
Like the Jealousy Map, the Resentment Resume is intended as another tough-love friend. It kicks us out of a victim posture and into action. We are rendered proactive in our behalf. We are rendered more honest. Our resentment works like a compass, pointing us in the direction we want to go. It also shows us our perceived blocks to going in that direction. Our action antidotes help us jump over, evade, or remove that block.
First, we must identify whom or what we are "stuck" resenting. Second, we must ask why. Third, we must ask what action we can take.
I RESENT...????WHY...????ACTION....
Tool: Heartbreak Hotel--Loss As A Lesson
This is another tough-love tool, a kind of ouch energy. We all know he/she was wrong to leave you, but what perceived lack did the loss cause you to identify? Is it true? Is it lack of money or education? Is it workaholism that keeps you unable to focus on the person you are having dinner with? Do you have a drinking problem? Are you really a nitpick pessimist? Are you really a dreamy romantic without proper financial grounding? What can you do about this? Ask yourself honestly, "Is there an area of my life that requires remedial attention?" Give yourself the gift of using your ouch energy as fuel.
Questions: answer the following
- What kind of person do you think is your former lover's perfect partner? What do you imagine their new lover has or does that you didn't?
- Why did your lover say that he or she was leaving?
- What part did you play in that assessment?
- Assign yourself and your partner each a percentage of the responsibility--love heartbreak is always a two-person dance. If your part is 0 percent, look again; if your partner's part is 0 percent, look again.
- What traits did you list in (1) that you think are yours? What traits did you list in (1) that you don't think you currently possess?
Buy yourself flowers.
